A Qur’anic Reminder to Remain Awake in the Days After ‘Ashura

Walking through bustling streets, cars honking, people shouting, a veritable cornucopia of human activity. As I take a moment’s pause to look around, it’s as if I’m standing still in a shard of frozen time, the world around me continuing ever-forward, to ends and purposes beyond me. My heart beats faster, a chill running down my spine, panic overtaking me. I cannot be left behind! There must be greatness in what everyone chases, for if there was not … No! There is no other option. I cannot stop and think. I must move, merge with the flow of society. I’d rather not be awake. I’d rather live this delusion.

أَفَمَن يَمشي مُكِبًّا عَلىٰ وَجهِهِ أَهدىٰ أَمَّن يَمشي سَوِيًّا عَلىٰ صِراطٍ مُستَقيمٍ
Is he who walks prone on his face better guided, or he who walks upright on a straight path?

(al-Mulk 67:22)

Perhaps moments of clarity are not so rare as we think. Perhaps I just turn away too quickly – swiftly turning to drown silence in noise, to overwhelm realization with oblivion. Why am I so afraid of being confronted with myself? Not me in the minutiae of my likes and hobbies, my family and my work. Rather, me in my totality, me in my reality. I do not want to answer the question of “Who am I?” I do not want to know, “Where have I come from?” I’d rather live looking with unseeing eyes.

لَهُم قُلوبٌ لا يَفقَهونَ بِها وَلَهُم أَعيُنٌ لا يُبصِرونَ بِها وَلَهُم آذانٌ لا يَسمَعونَ بِها ۚ أُولٰئِكَ كَالأَنعامِ بَل هُم أَضَلُّ ۚ أُولٰئِكَ هُمُ الغافِلونَ
They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, they have ears with which they do not hear. They are like cattle; rather they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.

(al-‘Arāf 7:179)

But is this even life? Am I living? I walk, I laugh, I cry, I feel pleasure, I feel pain. How could I not be alive? I sink back into the comfort of familiar patterns of thought and action. I go through the motions of everyday life. I live as I always have: in the moment, for the moment. But at night, that niggling thought burrows deeper. My brows furrow with the pain of impending realization, with the weight of something I cannot name. Still, I sink into the comfort of my bed. I draw the covers over my head. I’ve been sleeping for so long. What’s a little longer?

وَما هٰذِهِ الحَياةُ الدُّنيا إِلّا لَهوٌ وَلَعِبٌ ۚ وَإِنَّ الدّارَ الآخِرَةَ لَهِيَ الحَيَوانُ ۚ لَو كانوا يَعلَمونَ
The worldly life is nothing but diversion and play, but the abode of the Hereafter is indeed Life, had they known!

(al-‘Ankabūt 29:64)

As I awaken again to shining sun and chirping birds, I find myself in a strangely inquisitive mood. I see an ant laboriously struggling to lift a grain much larger than itself. It struggles to grasp around the grain’s width. After many starts and stops, it finally has a firm grip. It attempts to drag the grain to its destination, presumably food for the colony. But each step it takes, that grip weakens. The ant keeps striving. It stumbles over obstacles. It navigates difficult terrain. But it persists. What gives this ant such overwhelming purpose? Day turns to night. Though I went through the hours with seeming regular cheer, that image of the ant seared itself into my mind. If such a small creature could have such absolute and binding mission, what about me? What am I missing? What have I lost?

الَّذينَ يَذكُرونَ اللَّهَ قِيامًا وَقُعودًا وَعَلىٰ جُنوبِهِم وَيَتَفَكَّرونَ في خَلقِ السَّماواتِ وَالأَرضِ رَبَّنا ما خَلَقتَ هٰذا باطِلًا سُبحانَكَ فَقِنا عَذابَ النّارِ
Those who remember Allah standing, sitting, and lying on their sides, and reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth [and say], ‘Our Lord, You have not created this in vain! Immaculate are You! Save us from the punishment of the Fire.

(Āl ‘Imrān 3:191)

Something deep within starts to awaken. A rumble of disruption, disturbing the comfortable routine of oblivious life. It’s frightening. I’m frightened. The trained reflex starts to kick in again: to turn my head away, to close my eyes and cover my ears, to overwhelm reality with illusion. But this time, just this once, the reflex fails. I breathe, heavily. I breathe for the first time, air entering atrophied lungs. The bell has rung. The dead has been revived. He who is the One, the Sustainer. He never left me behind. He was always there. He is always there. He has always been pouring down His mercy. It is from Him that I have come, and it is to Him that I return. He is my origin. He is my destination. He is my purpose.

رَبَّنا إِنَّنا سَمِعنا مُنادِيًا يُنادي لِلإيمانِ أَن آمِنوا بِرَبِّكُم فَآمَنّا ۚ رَبَّنا فَاغفِر لَنا ذُنوبَنا وَكَفِّر عَنّا سَيِّئَاتِنا وَتَوَفَّنا مَعَ الأَبرارِ
Our Lord, we have indeed heard a summoner calling to faith, declaring, “Have faith in your Lord!” So we believed. Our Lord, forgive us our sins and absolve us of our misdeeds, and make us die with the pious.

(Āl ‘Imrān 3:193)

And as this realization settles in, something deeper awakens – deeper than fear, deeper even than awe. A longing, a love, a desire to unite with He who is not just the Sustainer, but my Sustainer. A longing for One I had forgotten, yet who never forgot me. A blossoming of love for the Ultimate Beloved.

وَمِنَ ٱلنَّاسِ مَن يَتَّخِذُ مِن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ أَندَادًۭا يُحِبُّونَهُمْ كَحُبِّ ٱللَّهِ ۖ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَشَدُّ حُبًّۭا لِّلَّهِ ۗ
Among the people are those who set up compeers besides Allah, loving them as if loving Allah. But the faithful have a more ardent love for Allah”

(Al-Baqarah 2:165)